“At the first appearance of dawn, I rose, and brought the manuscript to the window, but
it was impossible to read it yet. I devoted half an hour to dressing, and then returned to
it again. Now, with a little difficulty, I could manage; and with intense and eager interest,
I devoured the remainder of its contents. When it was ended, and my transient regret at
its abrupt conclusion was over, I opened the window and put out my head to catch the
cooling breeze, and imbibe deep draughts of the pure morning air. A splendid morning
it was; the half-frozen dew lay thick on the grass, the swallows were twittering round
me, the rooks cawing, and cows lowing in the distance; and early frost and summer
sunshine mingled their sweetness in the air. But I did not think of that: a confusion of
countless thoughts and varied emotions crowded upon me while I gazed abstractedly
on the lovely face of nature. Soon, however, this chaos of thoughts and passions cleared
away, giving place to two distinct emotions: joy unspeakable that my adored Helen was
all I wished to think her—that through the noisome vapours of the world’s aspersions
and my own fancied convictions, her character shone bright, and clear, and stainless as
that sun I could not bear to look on; and shame and deep remorse for my own conduct.” (Pg. 246)
To sate his own fears and curiosity, Gilbert reads through Helen’s diary in chapter 45, and he finds newfound conviction and happiness that she’s everything he hoped she would and could be, possibly symbolized by him throwing his head out the window to breathe in the air of a new fresh day, and sets out to see her again, however he does feel a slight amount of guilt from looking through her diary and her secrets, one of the few personal things she actually has in this world, as well as only seeing it in the context of himself.
While Gilbert is reading her diary with good intention and a naïve nature akin to a child, he is clearly trying to determine if she is up to his standards, even if that means a complete breach of privacy. Thus, is Gilbert really still worthy of her if he’s utterly betrayed her trust by reading her diary and repeating the secrets within?